Why do we settle for crappy coffee?

So I admit it...   I am a little bit of a coffee snob and yesterday morning was rough.  In the midst of my morning ritual is daily preparations for my morning cup of coffee, my "cup of life."   I get out my fresh organic coffee beans, grind them and put them in my espresso maker.   I add a cup of purified, filtered cold water and begin brewing.   A good friend of mine got me into "bulletproof coffee."   It sounds weird, but hear me out.   Instead of creamer and sugar, add a tablespoon of organic butter made from grass-feed cows and a tablespoon of organic coconut oil.   While the espresso is warming up, put the butter and coconut oil in a container and then use an immersion blender to mix in the espresso to make it nice and frothy.  This gives the coffee a creamier taste and with the healthy omega-3's and fats it boosts the metabolism and the ability to concentrate.

Well yesterday morning I went through the daily process, grabbed my work bag, my lunch, my coffee cup and said good-bye and blessed the wife and kids for the day.   After reaching the end of my street, I grabbed my mug to take a drink and I noticed that my coffee tasted funny.  In fact, it tasted nasty.   And then I realized, in this busyness of the morning and making my coffee, I forgot to take the grounds out of my espresso maker from yesterday.   I was drinking a cup of joe made from old used coffee grounds!   It was so gross.   But I need caffeine...  there are few things worse than a decaffeinated teacher.   You know it is bad when an educator puts himself to sleep when in front of a class.   In other words... I settled and to be honest, I felt off all day.   And yeah, I know I did it to myself.  I am never settling for a crappy cup of coffee again.

We are made for God's divine love, and nothing else.   No one loves me more, not my parents, my wife, not myself.   No one knows me better, not my wife, not myself.   This means that God knows everything about me....  everything.   He knows my sins, my faults, my shortcomings.   He knows my weaknesses and my flaws.   And He loves me, not despite these things, but because of them!   Christ sees the pain that they cause me.  He sees how I try to hide them, to self-medicate and to numb them, and He is filled with compassion and love!   Because He sees and knows the good that He placed within me.   He gazes upon me with loving, compassionate eyes.

And yet I try to run elsewhere.   We all do.   We all run from the one being that loves us more than anything else, that is willing to give us everything, even die for us.   We try stuffing everything else in that place to pacify that sense of longing and can be only be fulfilled by Him.   Of course there is the obvious and very serious drugs, sex, and alcohol, but there are other more subtle idols: stability, comfort, career, ego etc.   These things are not necessarily evil in themselves but when given too high of a priority can become our false gods.   When we do this, it throws us off, because we were not made for these things, but the love of our Heavenly Father.   Anything else is settling for crappy coffee.

Why do we worship?   We worship because God has made us for nothing less than Himself.  His love compassionately pursues us.  And when we are weak, turning away from Him for a crappy cup of coffee, He waits with arm outstretched waiting to embrace us when we return.

Welcome to our broken church

One of my favorite stories from the Gospels is when the woman caught in adultery is brought before Jesus.  (John 8:1-11)   Despite her history and previous mistakes, despite the judgments and hatred from the crowd, Jesus accepts her, loves her, and then invites her to live a fuller life with Him.   Jesus doesn't overlook her sin, but loves her first and embraces her before inviting her to turn away from her past choices.   It is not that Jesus doesn't have standards and is content with her continuing to live her life as she had.   He invites her to live her life with higher standards.   Christ reaches out first in love and then....  invitation.

Maybe this story isn't just about the woman but about the crowd...   Let me cut right to the chase.   Who are the people that God is placing in your life that He is asking you to love and accept?   What if you are the only person right now that could share God's love with that individual?

The reality is, while my sins in my past may not be adultery, I am still a sinner and broken.   And I didn't begin to change because someone called me out, but because I was loved, ultimately by God, but through others and His grace.   I am forgiven and redeemed because I am loved, not because someone pointed out my faults, not because of some good works that I have done.

So who are the hurting, the lost, the lonely, the imprisoned (primarily spiritually by the way) in your life?   Who are the ones that need to be loved?   Because the reality is even the best catechesis, without love and evangelization leads to feelings of condemnation not conversion.   Jesus was able to convert people's hearts and lead them to turn from their ways because He first loved them.

You can stop here.   Plenty to reflect on.   Only read further if you want to be really challenged.

The reality is, even though I am forgiven, I keep on sinning.   Even though I have been healed, there is still illness.   Even though I am made whole, I am still broken.  My need for a savior does not end....   EVER.   We are a broken Church in a broken world.   The only difference is that despite being broken, ill, and sinful, we know that we are truly loved.   This love is not something that we deserve or have earned; it is a gift.  Jesus is the Savior for a broken world and a broken Church.

In this weekend's Gospel Jesus says, "This is my commandment: love one another as I love you." (John 15:12)   Do I really knows that depths of God's love that He has given, and continues to give to me despite my failings and shortcomings that will continue until my first breath into eternity?   It is that same love that He commands us to give others.   It is not a suggestion; it is a commandment.

Why do we worship?   We worship because we are called to be a loving broken Church.   And what greater testimony is there to God's love than this....   He loves me not despite my brokenness, but because of my brokenness.   In fact it is because of my brokenness that I am able to experience the depth of His love and mercy.

How do we worship?   By living our lives showing this divine love to others.   And when we fail and fall short, we turn back to those forgiving, merciful arms.   We experience that love anew, and we try again.

Forgiveness: I am Not Strong Enough

So the past week or so I have had several situations where I am made aware of how weak I am.  Without going into the details, I was reminded of a situation in which I was unable to forgive another person.  I knew it was the right to do but I didn't have the fortitude.   And then I read today's first reading (see Acts 9:26-31).   Paul just had his conversion.   Barnabas is bringing him to the Christian community.  Oh and remember Paul hunted down Christians, threw them into prison and often over saw their executions.

Picture this... a good and trust friend is coming over for dinner to your house.  On his way over he calls and says he has a guest and a surprise.   Your curiosity is peeked and you are a little excited while you put out another setting at the table, between you and your oldest child's spot.  The doorbell rings and there is your friend smiling from ear to ear.   And behind him holding a bottle of wine to be shared at dinner...

... your worst enemy...

someone who hunted down and killed your family members and friends.   He just didn't ruin the lives of your loved ones, but he had them dragged away in chains, imprisoned and killed.

Anger, confusion, fear, betrayal, hatred, despise, disgust, resentment.  Your friend tries to tell you it is okay, but you are blinded by the rush of emotions.

It gets even worse, he is taken to the leaders of your church and they are dumbfounded and amazed.   It really appears as if "your enemy" has turned his life around and repented.   He begins going to church, joins the choir, teaching Sunday school, and is becoming part of the Christian community.

I have no idea how to do this.   The best I can do is merely an act of will because I know I should forgive, but I feel no desire, nothing in my heart.  And I see how my bitterness and anger has wrapped itself around my heart.

Mahatma Gandhi once said, "The weak can never forgive.   Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."   I don't see how this is possible.  I have reached a point where I realize I am simply not strong enough.   All I can do is surrender myself to God.   He is my strength.  The strength to forgive is simply not my own, it can only come from God.  I do not have the power.  It comes from a higher power.


How did Mary forgive while Jesus hung on the cross?   I have no doubt in my mind that Mary forgave those that were responsible for her son's torture and death.   In fact she probably had compassion and even pity for them.  I just have no idea how.   Sure I get it intellectually... but how!   How does one conquer through love?

The Christian path is not easy.   The road of discipleship pretty much impossible on your own effort.  There are times when God calls us to do certain things that we can only do by surrendering and relying on Him.

And suddenly the Gospel reading seems to fit in perfectly.  (John 15:1-8)   In order to be disciples we need to remain in Him, just as a branch cannot survive without the vine.   I need to lean in, surrender myself, give myself fully and completely.   I do not have roots of my own, only through the Vine.   In my weakness, He is my strength.  But pray for me... while this is know to my mind, it is not yet in my heart.

Why do we worship?   Because we are weak and He is strong.   Any strength that I have is not my own but His.   Anything good, any love, compassion that I possess is mine only because it comes from Him.   But it transforms me.

I Wish I had Super Ears

A couple Sundays ago I was praying and reflecting on one of many resurrection accounts found the Gospels (Luke 24: 35-48  do be exact).   I was trying to come up with a short reflection to share before announcing the opening song at church and despite the wealth and depth of the passage I had nothing.

And then I recalled a conversation with my seven year old...

That morning, I was the first one up and moving.  I made my way downstairs and had fixed my cup of coffee.  I was just sitting down in a chair in our living room to enjoy some quiet time when my seven year old came down the stairs.

He came over to me and asked, "Hey Dad, do you think it can be hard to hear God?"

A little dumbfounded, partially for being confronted with such a complex inquiry before my first cup of Joe, but mostly because of the depth of insight of the question, I responded, "Yeah, sometimes I think it can be really hard."

What my son said next floored me.  "I want super ears.  I want my ears to be open so I can really hear Him and be close, like I'm only a few feet away from Him."

...

Okay, trying not to be a doting father here, but...  WOW! K.O. buddy!   Total take-down!


Jump back to the Gospel. 

Despite our longing to be close to God, even the pure and sincere desires of a child, these cannot compare to the yearning of God to be close to us.  He wants to be "like only a few feet away" from us, infinitely more than we do.   I am reminded of St. Augustine of Hippo, "You have made us for Yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in You." 

But here is the twist, "You have made us for Yourself, O Lord, and YOUR heart is restless until they rest in You."   No matter how much we long to be with God, He wants it more.  He even conquered sin and death to make sure that nothing could separate us from Him and His love.

Why do we worship?   We worship because God speaks to us through the wisdom and simplicity of children.   We worship because God loves us infinitely more than we could possibly love Him.   He is the Good Shepherd that lays down His life for the flock.

Preparing the Field: Part 2- Getting Our Hands Dirty

So I am an idealist.   I am easily motivated and inspired by concepts.  Much of my own spiritual life and journey reflects this.  It's true close friends (and even my wife) will comment when I am going into theologian mode.   I have a number of dear friends whom with I love having deep God-conversations.   It is like theological nerd candy.

Now I'm not saying my faith is an intellectual activity for me.   The reality is, occasionally when I pray, one of these ideas or realities of God or His love can hit me so profoundly that it leads to an affective response and even tears.   God has lead me to have a contemplative side to my relationship with Him.

But there is a challenge and a danger here.   Do I let these ideas and realizations transform me?   And I'm not just talking about an emotional response.   Do they change how I live my life?  There is a subtly that can take hold and lead to a cooling of my heart.   It leads to a type of complacency where I am comfortable with my faith, because I know about God and His love.  I can even think... "Shoot thinking about these things even lead my eyes to fill."

Somehow I get the feeling that when Jesus declared, "I have come to set the earth on fire, and how I wish it were already blazing!" he was talking about more than just nice ideas (no matter how true) or powerful feelings (no matter how valid).   He was talking about a radical transformation of hearts and lives.   Sure fire gives off light and reveals truth.  Sure fire gives off heat and warm hearts.   But Jesus is talking about a life, an earth ON FIRE, totally consumed by the flames, transformed, and forged into something new.  He wants our faith to be more just knowledge known, or feelings felt, but something lived, something that gets our hands dirty.

A practical illustration that I hope is not oversimplifying my point...

I could see someone hurting, maybe someone in the pews at church, a coworker, and homeless person on the street, and I can think to myself, "This person is a child of God with dignity and value and worthy of God's love."   Maybe my intellect will even lead me to pray for this individual and God would reveal His love to them.

Or maybe it even goes a step further, I am even moved by the person and I feel God's love and pity for that person.

But is that it?   Well I sure hope that is enough.  It sure is safe and in my comfort zone.   I feel pretty good about what I thought and felt, shoot I even prayed.  Aren't I compassionate?   God, I hope that is enough, don't call me to do more.   I've already done...

(sigh)

You want me to get my hands dirty don't You?  I guess if being Your hands and feet involves more that just intellectual sentiments, no matter how sentimental that may lead me to become.   You want me to be sacramental...  You want me to that concrete reality of Your love for someone else.

Imagine if Jesus held back.   "Okay Father, I've taught these people all about Your love and the Kingdom!   Mission accomplished right?...  Okay, well look I feel really bad for the leper over there.  I'm done now right?...  Oh You want me to heal him.   To treat him like a human being."

Or take it one step further...   Christ just didn't teach about God's love; He just didn't feel it and have compassion, weeping over Lazarus, sweating blood and tears.   He held nothing back.  He lived it... even to the point of dying on the Cross.

Why do worship?   We worship because there is a God who lives His love for us.   How do we worship?  By living His love for others.   Lord, prepare the field of my heart, so I am willing to get my hands dirty, to hold nothing back.

Preparing the Field: Part 1- The Soil of Our Hearts

Maybe because it is finally Spring and the snow has finally melted in this northern region of the United States.  (Even though I am sure there are still some frozen mounds of ice and dirt in some grocery store parking lots.)   But I have been reflecting a lot about fields.

Fields require work and preparation.   A great part of this is God's work and a portion God invites us to participate with Him.   Despite futile desires to take my wife's hair drier outside and thaw the ground, the soil will not warm up.  And even though I'm convinced my kids are trying to heat the entire neighborhood when they leave the backdoor upon, it won't make a dent.   God in due season (pun intended) changes the weather through the cycles of calendar.   It is the sun that warms up the earth and softens the ground.  It is only then when the farmer can go and till the field and plant the seed.   Just as it would be foolish for the farmer to warm the earth on his own, so too it would be waste of time and resources to plow the field and plant the seed when it is frozen solid.

In our lives God prepares fields where He invites us to go and do His work.   The preparations are already in place.   The ground is already thawed and maybe already tilled.  We may just need to plant the seed.   That field is already set and God just needs to send the workers.

But...

There is another field that needs to be prepared.   What about the heart of the workers?  What about my heart?   The field of my heart can be colder and harder than the field I am be invited to.  Do I let the warmth of the sun and God's grace thaw my heart?   Am I willing to let my heart be tilled and turned over so that new life can be planted?  Sometimes it may feel comfortable under a blanket of snow and when it begins to melt, I may be tempted to try throw more snow and ice on top.   Maybe I try to block the rays of the sun by blocking it and protect that precious ice and snow that surrounds and "safeguards" the field of my heart.

What am I really doing?  Am I blocking out God and His grace?  God wants to give us more of Himself.   He wants us to know Him and His love.   God wants to send us out to share His grace and mercy with others.  And by being sent and doing His work, He reveals Himself even more. 

In Matthew 13 Jesus shares the Parable of the Sower where a farmer goes out and scatters seed in the field.   Whether or not the seed takes root depends upon if the ground is prepared to receive it.   Does the seed fall on rocky soil, amongst the weeds, exposed where the birds can snatch it up, or fertile soil ready for the seed?   But what if the farmer never went out?   What if the farmer decided, "You know I am comfortable staying in the farmhouse today.   Planting the seed must be for someone else because my place is here not there."   Not only would the work not get done, but the farmer would miss the opportunity for grace of knowing God deeper.

There is a field that God is invited us to work.  Maybe it is a new field, maybe it is the same field but He is offering a new perspective and approach or the opportunity to return back to what first led us there, to recenter ourselves.   And there is the field of our hearts.   Have we let our hearts become hard by complacency, comfort and security, anger and bitterness, fear and anxiety?   Have I, consciously or unintentionally, reached a point where I do not let my heart be warmed and soften? Lord give us the courage to thaw our hearts... to let You in.   Soften our hearts to know You, to know You more, to be loved.

Why do we worship?   Because there is a God who desires for us to know Him more, to know new depths of His love, who calls us to trust Him more so that we can come to know that He will never let us go.   There is a God who is not satisfied, who want us to be even closer to Him.

God's Will is Like a Box of Crayons

I can look back at certain areas of my life where I was trying to discern God's will.  Often these were times of great stress and anxiety.   What if I got it wrong?   What if I go the wrong way?   What could this cost me?   I'm willing to step out, but I need to see a net to catch me.  There seems to be a wrestling match between excitement and fear and doubt.  Sometimes I think it would be so much easier if God just gave me a light show or a letter in the mail (okay an email.  Nope still too dated... a tweet or shapchat).   You know something along the lines of...

Dear Josh,
Here is the My plan for your life complete with all the step-by-step instructions.   And here are all the safety features and securities blankets.   So there is really no need for faith.
Sincerely,
God

Now there is a historical precedence for God doing miraculous revelations, but they are not the norm for most of us.    Maybe our understanding of discernment and obedience to God is off.   Perhaps it works something more like this...

On his way home from work a dad stops by the store and picks up a package of crayons and construction paper for his son.  When he arrives home, his son runs and greets him at the door with a warm hug.  The dad then leans over and says,  "Here you son.  I got these for you."

After giving a very enthusiastic "Thank you Daddy!" the son runs to his room and jumps on his bed.  He draws two awkward looking stick figures and scribbles the words "I love you Daddy" across the page with half the letters written backwards.

The son then darts out into into the living room, jumps onto his father's lap and says, "Here Daddy, I made this for you."

When the dad gave his son the gift, he did not tell him what to make or how to make it.   The son was free to do what he wanted and he let his love for his father inspire his creativity.

Discerning God's will is not passively waiting for a light show or a note from God.   It is proactive and creative.  It is eager and longs to be expressed.   Maybe discernment works more like this...

Lord, what gifts and talents have You given me?  What can I do with them?  What can I make?   The son could have folded the paper in half and made a card.   He could have made a paper-airplane.   He didn't have string so he couldn't have made a hanging mobile.   However, God does not choose the qualified, but He qualifies the chosen.

Lord, help me to know and receive Your love.   Let Your love and Holy Spirit lead me and inspire me.   God does not desire passive robots that blindly follows a program or instructions.   He doesn't want servants or slaves with blind obedience.  He desires co-creators and companions to work with Him.   "I no longer call you slaves or servants but friends." (John 15:15).  He wants us to be partners.

Mary's yes was not something passive.   It was proactive, coming from a longing to say yes to a God whom she loved.   She was actively making herself available to be open to whatever opportunity God brought before her.   Her response, "How can these be?" was not a moment of doubt but excitement.

Without sounding too cliche, the most important part of discerning is not the decision but the deepening our relationship with Christ, coming to know anew His love, and trusting in His divine friendship.   Christ desires to conquer our fears, doubts, and anxieties so that we can come to know His love and grace.   Jesus I trust in You.

Why do we worship?   We worship a loving God with our lives, as a creative offering to a Father whom has given us everything that we have and all that we are.   He is a loving Father that delights in the gifts that we create and jump onto His lap to give back to Him, a loving Father that wants us to know the warmth and security of His embrace.

My challenge for me...  Do I dare to love God?   How would I respond if Jesus asked me, "Do you love me more than these?"  I am willing to give up security and my comfort zone to follow Him?

P.S.  Sorry that you probably have to watch an ad at the beginning of the video.