Why do we settle for crappy coffee?

So I admit it...   I am a little bit of a coffee snob and yesterday morning was rough.  In the midst of my morning ritual is daily preparations for my morning cup of coffee, my "cup of life."   I get out my fresh organic coffee beans, grind them and put them in my espresso maker.   I add a cup of purified, filtered cold water and begin brewing.   A good friend of mine got me into "bulletproof coffee."   It sounds weird, but hear me out.   Instead of creamer and sugar, add a tablespoon of organic butter made from grass-feed cows and a tablespoon of organic coconut oil.   While the espresso is warming up, put the butter and coconut oil in a container and then use an immersion blender to mix in the espresso to make it nice and frothy.  This gives the coffee a creamier taste and with the healthy omega-3's and fats it boosts the metabolism and the ability to concentrate.

Well yesterday morning I went through the daily process, grabbed my work bag, my lunch, my coffee cup and said good-bye and blessed the wife and kids for the day.   After reaching the end of my street, I grabbed my mug to take a drink and I noticed that my coffee tasted funny.  In fact, it tasted nasty.   And then I realized, in this busyness of the morning and making my coffee, I forgot to take the grounds out of my espresso maker from yesterday.   I was drinking a cup of joe made from old used coffee grounds!   It was so gross.   But I need caffeine...  there are few things worse than a decaffeinated teacher.   You know it is bad when an educator puts himself to sleep when in front of a class.   In other words... I settled and to be honest, I felt off all day.   And yeah, I know I did it to myself.  I am never settling for a crappy cup of coffee again.

We are made for God's divine love, and nothing else.   No one loves me more, not my parents, my wife, not myself.   No one knows me better, not my wife, not myself.   This means that God knows everything about me....  everything.   He knows my sins, my faults, my shortcomings.   He knows my weaknesses and my flaws.   And He loves me, not despite these things, but because of them!   Christ sees the pain that they cause me.  He sees how I try to hide them, to self-medicate and to numb them, and He is filled with compassion and love!   Because He sees and knows the good that He placed within me.   He gazes upon me with loving, compassionate eyes.

And yet I try to run elsewhere.   We all do.   We all run from the one being that loves us more than anything else, that is willing to give us everything, even die for us.   We try stuffing everything else in that place to pacify that sense of longing and can be only be fulfilled by Him.   Of course there is the obvious and very serious drugs, sex, and alcohol, but there are other more subtle idols: stability, comfort, career, ego etc.   These things are not necessarily evil in themselves but when given too high of a priority can become our false gods.   When we do this, it throws us off, because we were not made for these things, but the love of our Heavenly Father.   Anything else is settling for crappy coffee.

Why do we worship?   We worship because God has made us for nothing less than Himself.  His love compassionately pursues us.  And when we are weak, turning away from Him for a crappy cup of coffee, He waits with arm outstretched waiting to embrace us when we return.

Welcome to our broken church

One of my favorite stories from the Gospels is when the woman caught in adultery is brought before Jesus.  (John 8:1-11)   Despite her history and previous mistakes, despite the judgments and hatred from the crowd, Jesus accepts her, loves her, and then invites her to live a fuller life with Him.   Jesus doesn't overlook her sin, but loves her first and embraces her before inviting her to turn away from her past choices.   It is not that Jesus doesn't have standards and is content with her continuing to live her life as she had.   He invites her to live her life with higher standards.   Christ reaches out first in love and then....  invitation.

Maybe this story isn't just about the woman but about the crowd...   Let me cut right to the chase.   Who are the people that God is placing in your life that He is asking you to love and accept?   What if you are the only person right now that could share God's love with that individual?

The reality is, while my sins in my past may not be adultery, I am still a sinner and broken.   And I didn't begin to change because someone called me out, but because I was loved, ultimately by God, but through others and His grace.   I am forgiven and redeemed because I am loved, not because someone pointed out my faults, not because of some good works that I have done.

So who are the hurting, the lost, the lonely, the imprisoned (primarily spiritually by the way) in your life?   Who are the ones that need to be loved?   Because the reality is even the best catechesis, without love and evangelization leads to feelings of condemnation not conversion.   Jesus was able to convert people's hearts and lead them to turn from their ways because He first loved them.

You can stop here.   Plenty to reflect on.   Only read further if you want to be really challenged.

The reality is, even though I am forgiven, I keep on sinning.   Even though I have been healed, there is still illness.   Even though I am made whole, I am still broken.  My need for a savior does not end....   EVER.   We are a broken Church in a broken world.   The only difference is that despite being broken, ill, and sinful, we know that we are truly loved.   This love is not something that we deserve or have earned; it is a gift.  Jesus is the Savior for a broken world and a broken Church.

In this weekend's Gospel Jesus says, "This is my commandment: love one another as I love you." (John 15:12)   Do I really knows that depths of God's love that He has given, and continues to give to me despite my failings and shortcomings that will continue until my first breath into eternity?   It is that same love that He commands us to give others.   It is not a suggestion; it is a commandment.

Why do we worship?   We worship because we are called to be a loving broken Church.   And what greater testimony is there to God's love than this....   He loves me not despite my brokenness, but because of my brokenness.   In fact it is because of my brokenness that I am able to experience the depth of His love and mercy.

How do we worship?   By living our lives showing this divine love to others.   And when we fail and fall short, we turn back to those forgiving, merciful arms.   We experience that love anew, and we try again.

Forgiveness: I am Not Strong Enough

So the past week or so I have had several situations where I am made aware of how weak I am.  Without going into the details, I was reminded of a situation in which I was unable to forgive another person.  I knew it was the right to do but I didn't have the fortitude.   And then I read today's first reading (see Acts 9:26-31).   Paul just had his conversion.   Barnabas is bringing him to the Christian community.  Oh and remember Paul hunted down Christians, threw them into prison and often over saw their executions.

Picture this... a good and trust friend is coming over for dinner to your house.  On his way over he calls and says he has a guest and a surprise.   Your curiosity is peeked and you are a little excited while you put out another setting at the table, between you and your oldest child's spot.  The doorbell rings and there is your friend smiling from ear to ear.   And behind him holding a bottle of wine to be shared at dinner...

... your worst enemy...

someone who hunted down and killed your family members and friends.   He just didn't ruin the lives of your loved ones, but he had them dragged away in chains, imprisoned and killed.

Anger, confusion, fear, betrayal, hatred, despise, disgust, resentment.  Your friend tries to tell you it is okay, but you are blinded by the rush of emotions.

It gets even worse, he is taken to the leaders of your church and they are dumbfounded and amazed.   It really appears as if "your enemy" has turned his life around and repented.   He begins going to church, joins the choir, teaching Sunday school, and is becoming part of the Christian community.

I have no idea how to do this.   The best I can do is merely an act of will because I know I should forgive, but I feel no desire, nothing in my heart.  And I see how my bitterness and anger has wrapped itself around my heart.

Mahatma Gandhi once said, "The weak can never forgive.   Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."   I don't see how this is possible.  I have reached a point where I realize I am simply not strong enough.   All I can do is surrender myself to God.   He is my strength.  The strength to forgive is simply not my own, it can only come from God.  I do not have the power.  It comes from a higher power.


How did Mary forgive while Jesus hung on the cross?   I have no doubt in my mind that Mary forgave those that were responsible for her son's torture and death.   In fact she probably had compassion and even pity for them.  I just have no idea how.   Sure I get it intellectually... but how!   How does one conquer through love?

The Christian path is not easy.   The road of discipleship pretty much impossible on your own effort.  There are times when God calls us to do certain things that we can only do by surrendering and relying on Him.

And suddenly the Gospel reading seems to fit in perfectly.  (John 15:1-8)   In order to be disciples we need to remain in Him, just as a branch cannot survive without the vine.   I need to lean in, surrender myself, give myself fully and completely.   I do not have roots of my own, only through the Vine.   In my weakness, He is my strength.  But pray for me... while this is know to my mind, it is not yet in my heart.

Why do we worship?   Because we are weak and He is strong.   Any strength that I have is not my own but His.   Anything good, any love, compassion that I possess is mine only because it comes from Him.   But it transforms me.